Imagine waking up in the middle of your sleep, at 5.30 am on a Monday morning, feeling really annoyed of yourself, pathetic, useless. In short, in despair. So many thoughts and images flashing through your mind, you got lost in them and ended up drowning in your own tears. Who could I turn to, at such an unearthly hour of the day? And that was how I started my week. Best. The only person I could think of apart from Rachel was actually Shermaine. Because I've never told anybody else a single shit about my family issues, apart from them. Whatsapp-ed Shermaine for awhile before she prepared for school and Jeremy messaged me. Was really surprised but still..... Glad that I had someone else there too. I couldn't hold it back any longer and I just spilled the beans :/

I don't think I'm someone who'd keep everything to myself but neither am I someone who'd tell you every single problem I'm facing. Everyone is facing a tough battle in the same game against a different devil. I don't face just one problem. It's accumulated ones and though I do have my regrets, I just wanted to say...... I chose to leave because I just want to stay here, at Toa Payoh, where I have been quarrelling with my cousins since young up till now. I have so many reasons to leave and forget about everything but I still fight for that one reason... Because this is where I feel like I'm at home, and NOT alone.

Had dinner with The Clique (Mithio) on Tuesday night and it ended pretty late. Went to Sebas's dorm while waiting for my parents to come pick Julia and I up :) Instant KO as soon as I bathed and laid on my bed that night. Totally worn out. Wednesday was a short day I think? Ended school at about 3.15 if I didn't remember wrongly. Came to Toa Payoh to put my things and grab some stuff for Shermaine before meeting her at Town. Jazlyn and Shermaine accompanied me to Red Mango for yogurt before we walked to Taka to get some proper food. Came home at like eight plus and we just nua-ed the night away. Since Thursday's WDS was cancelled, it was a no school day for me. Met Rachel at ten plus in the night for Tau Huey and some heart-to-heart talks because I was feeling so forlorn that day and I kept crying....

Left her place at like 4 in the morning, came back home and slept until Thursday afternoon :) Had dinner with grandparents and Shermaine before coming back home to prepare. Left home at about eight and headed to school for Mithio's drinking session :) The only thing I could remember was I felt super cold that night despite wearing long sleeves, cardigan and jacket. I even drank while wearing all these! :/ My face including my eyes and ears turned awfully red after my first Yakult shot and most of them thought I was high or even drunk. Okay can.

Only managed to catch an hour of sleep on Friday morning before heading for lecture. Was pretty late because Jeremy and I kept nua-ing and we had a deal previously :b As long as I stayed over, he'd accompany me to Business school. It's a SUPER LONG walk from Temasek Green to Biz school okay :( So unfair.... Engineering and Design students lead such a good life if they take TNS. After much hesitation I decided to skip DBIS tutorial and EBM's lecture so I could nap for a short while. Met Clive and Jeremy while walking back to Sebas's dorm ^-^ Hehehe.

Everyone left at about 1.30, leaving only Jeremy and I alone so we just took our nap and left at 2.45 so I wouldn't be late for my lab lesson. Was feeling soooooo dead for the entire day. Met Rachel at Tampines to have dinner together at Ikea :) Both of us were basically sprouting nonsense from the time we met up till we parted ways. Felt like heaven when I laid on the sofa and slept for 2 hours. Forced myself to bathe and fell asleep again not long after that :x

Met FatFat at Orchard on Saturday for dinz together with his friend and girlfriend. Met Shermaine at Cine with her friends and coincidentally Jeremy was there too. Cabbed home at like ten plus because we were like walking zombies already :/ Took my things, waited for my parents to be back home and they sent me back to Toa Payoh :D

Had a Mass Outing yesterday at Sentosa. Reached there at like 2 pm because I woke up pretty late AND I had my fringe trimmed before going over :) Teehee. Had dinner together with The Clique and we all left at about ten thirty?

I promised I wouldn't leave anyone in the lurch.. But she pushed me away first and landed everyone into such a misery.

Most probably skipping Econs afterwards..... Tired. Some times I think it gets really tiring when you start falling for someone. You get so lost, you don't know what to do and at times it feels like you're just hoping for the impossible. I should get over and done with this. No time for such dilemma....... At times I wish I could turn back the time. It's okay if the past is way too back. Rewind back a little and let me forget what I'm facing for awhile is good enough too.. :')

Who can I turn to when I'm feeling lost and alone? When I need a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, a hug to assure me that I'm safe?